


Satan Wants Babies Because Babies Are Delicious

by Bloody_Vixen



Series: Someone Think Of The Children [2]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Demonic Sacrifice, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, Learning how to sacrifice, babies being babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:02:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloody_Vixen/pseuds/Bloody_Vixen
Summary: Once upon a time, a young Emeritus really,really, wanted a car. But since he's 10 years old and is told "No" by every adult, he decided to turn to his Dark Lord for help.Or that one time Papa Emeritus I tried to sacrifice a baby.(Fluffy and a Bit Cracky)
Series: Someone Think Of The Children [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678975
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Satan Wants Babies Because Babies Are Delicious

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicxan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicxan/gifts), [kisstheghoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisstheghoul/gifts).



> For minkbug and nicxan from the Clergy Discord channel. Because there's never enough fluff fic in the Ghost fandom.
> 
> EDIT: Edited for word flow and etc.

“And so this is where we’re gonna put the sacrifice.” Dante Emeritus, eldest of Nihil’s son waves his hand with flourish at his audience.

Lorenzo or Enzo (cause his name is long and stupid according to his younger brother) lifts his hand, “Okay but where are we gonna get a baby?”

“What’s a baby?” Giueseppe or Beppe (as one Enzo Emeritus shortened cause his brother's name is even longer and stupider) asks, hugging his toy goat, Asmo, to him. When Dante had come to them, declaring that he was totally going to ask Satan for a _real_ car, Lorenzo had suggested they sacrifice Asmo instead. He was glad when Dante said that they need something bigger and Asmo was too small. That still doesn’t stop him from glaring at Enzo whenever he wasn’t looking.

“A baby is a small person.” Dante explains, frowning at his plan – he had wanted to draw with real pencils but Sister Emma said he wasn’t allowed pencils since he drew on Papa’s walls last week. He doesn’t see how that’s fair but adults are mean that way. They’ve already banned him from his crayons so he had to steal Papa’s pen instead and Papa’s pens were _stupid;_ it’s sharp, has only ONE colour and keeps making ink spots – he had to redraw his plans several times.

“So can’t we just sacrifice Beppe?” The youngest son of Nihil gasps and smacks Enzo on the arm. Enzo smacks back and before he knew it they both start to roll on the floor, smacking and biting each other.

“STOP IT! IF YOU’RE GONNA BE STUPID, THEN NONE OF YOU WILL RIDE IN MY CAR!”

“I DON’T WANT TO BE SACRIFICED!” Beppe wails and it takes Dante a few minutes to calm him down.

“Oh for – listen a baby is smaller than Beppe and can’t walk,” Dante explains, taking out the book he borrowed from Imperator. He flips it open and then stops at a page.

“See here. A baby is small and innocent and it says we have to find one who is newborn. Beppe is four years old, he’s too old. Satan wants babies because babies are delicious.”

Beppe raises his hand and Dante sigh but nods as the young boy asks, “Isn’t that cannibalism?”

“Aw, is ickle Beppe trying using big words – does it hurt your stupid brain?” Enzo replied and Dante sighed as he tries to pry his brothers apart – again. He wished Omega and Alpha would help, but the two ghouls just gave him a long, hard look and said if his Papa and Sister Imperator said ‘no’, then they have to obey that ‘no’. He even tried to ask the Siblings but they also gave him a hard, “No.” and told him to go play with his brothers.

So he did and now he’s stuck with two idiots because everyone else refused too. The things he must suffer through – but that’s okay once he does this, he will have a car and then he can go to Disneyworld and see Maleficent.

(She’s so pretty and evil)

So he grits his teeth and explains again.

* * *

The Church’s nursery is small and quiet, despite its name. The Siblings of Sins were sitting down, reading and cooing over their charges. A few were feeding and cradling them. It was one of those afternoons where everything is peaceful and thus everyone feels a bit lazy and careless.

That was until Beppe came running into the room. He stared at the elder Siblings as they continued with their work, one gave him an indulgent smile but overall everyone was more preoccupied with their younger charges. The small boy bites his lips from nervousness but after a moment, he lets out a tiny, "Here goes," and then dramatically fell onto the ground. 

Before anyone could comfort the youngest Emeritus, his started screaming.

Like toppled dominoes, all the babies started to scream and cry as well. As the siblings rush try to stop him, cradling and hushing and etc while also trying to calm down the younglings, they did not notice Enzo sliding in and grabbing the nearest baby he could find.

Enzo was glad the baby was small and somehow still asleep because this is the first time he’d seen a baby and he didn’t realized just how _small_ they were. He stopped midway and stared down on this would be sacrifice and couldn’t help but think that it’s rather cute. The baby has soft chubby cheeks and a tuft of brown hair covering his head and what’s really surprising was just how _nice_ the baby smelled. It was like a bun but sweeter.

“Hey! Hurry up!” Dante whispered from down the pathway and Enzo snaps from his thoughts. The boy toddled along; he could understand why Satan wants babies now – they smell so good.

* * *

“We are gathered here today in your name O’ Shiny One.” Dante began, ignoring the sweat running down his back. He had gone and borrowed his Papa’s robes while Enzo and Beppe went to snatch the baby. The book doesn’t say how to dress up but he truly wanted to make a good impression on Satan. He even went as far as to paint his face even though he could only find black paint and managed to do his eyes before they ran out. Enzo said he looked like a panda but it was better than nothing.

The hardest part was trying to put the baby onto the altar. They had to drag his Papa’s chair which was _heavy_ but they managed it. It was when they did place the baby – who was awake but was very quiet – which was good because Dante had no idea how long it will be empty and didn’t want anyone coming by – but he was getting distracted. _Anyway_ , the baby stared as Dante raises up the sacrificial purple fork.

_(“I thought you were supposed to get the knife?” Dante asks Enzo who shrugged._

_“We’re not supposed to play with knives, Sister Imperator said so.”_

_Dante throws his hands up, “But we need a knife! How else are we gonna cut the baby open?”_

_“I have a fork!” Beppe said, pulling out a purple fork from his pants._

_“_ Why _do you have a fork?”_

_“I was hungry.”)_

Dante takes a deep breath and began his prayers. 

“I give to you this sacrifice – sacrifice’s name – wait, do we know what this baby’s name is?”

Beppe shook his head but Enzo took another look at the blanket the baby was wrapped with.

“It says here, ‘Cho-pie-a’,” the boy exclaimed; so proud that he could read. Dante frowned because that is such a weird name. But then Satan doesn’t discriminate that much.

“Fine.” And he coughed and started again, “We are gathered here today, O’ Shiny Evil One, to sacrifice in your name.” Dante places some red paint onto the baby’s forehead.

“I give to you this sacrifice, Cho-pie-a, so that you may grant us gifts.”

“Gifts,” his brothers chanted.

“In the name of the Father, The Son and the Unholy Spirit, I sacrifice!” and then he stabs the baby right in the neck.

Time freezes as the fork’s prongs sinks into the baby's flesh. Dante laughs in triumph as he gives thanks to Satan for accepting said gift.

Then the baby started screaming.

* * *

“SHUSHUSHUSHSUHS WHY WON’T THIS BABY BE QUIET?”

Beppe, who is covering his ears shouts, “You have to stab him harder?”

So Dante did, but it made the baby scream even _louder_. He doesn’t understand why, there was barely blood (and he knows there should be loads of blood – dang it he should have gone and find the knife) but the baby kept on bawling and bawling.

Enzo was trying to rock the baby back and forth, like some sort of ball, but only succeeded in making the baby’s cries go like, “WAAAaaaaa _(mpphh)_ AAAaaa _(mmpph)_ Waaaa!” which didn’t help at all.

“We have to make him quiet! If not-”

“If not _what_ Dante Emeritus?” A voice cracked like thunder over the room.

The three brothers froze and turns towards the door. There standing in all her fury, was Sister Imperator – her eyes were blazing and her hair whipped back and forth as she marched into the chambers. She stomps so hard, Dante thinks that she had probably cracked the floor when she stops in front of the altar and glares at all of them.

“What in Nine Levels of Hells is _this?”_

“Uh…” Dante started, trying to hide the fork behind his back. Enzo looked as if he’s contemplating just bolting when Beppe piped up.

“It’s a sacrifice Sister!” If Dante wasn’t so scared he would have whacked his brother for it because if anything Imperator’s eyes seem to burn brighter.

“A sacrifice? Do you have any – _COPIA_?”

“Who – oh you mean Chopiea.”

“Cho – did you try to sacrifice a _baby?”_

“Um…”

“RUN!”

The three boys scattered – well only two, because Dante tripped over his robes and fell flat onto his face. It didn’t matter in the end because they were found later anyways. Apparently, after finding out that one baby was missing the entire church was out searching him. Imperator was beside herself and had wanted to go and change into something more suitable for the search when she heard the baby crying from the sacrificial chambers.

It was said that Imperator’s shrieks could be heard all over the Church. Since Enzo and Beppe were too young, they were only grounded but Dante…

Dante had to wash and clean the altars for a whole year and then he had to write a one-hundred word essay one hundred times citing why ‘sacrificing a baby is wrong’ and that ‘Satan is not Santa Claus’.

It was horrible for Dante because they made him write using the quill; his father had laughed when he first learned about his little ceremony but he stopped when he found out that his favourite and expensive pen had been ruined.

Thus was the tale of the Emeritus Brothers and the Failed Sacrifice. Despite everything, Dante eventually did get his car but it was small, the size of his palm, and he definitely cannot drive it to Disneyworld but at least this one did not require a baby sacrifice. (He got to go when he was older and eventually got a peck on the cheek from a Maleficent cast member).

Decades later, Dante would have laughed at this memory, now knowing better what to sacrifice for his Dark Lord (goats and chickens yes, babies NO).

As for Copia, he could never stop shivering whenever the First would pass him by.


End file.
